Point of No Return — Another year, another crazy list of resolutions

Date Published: 
Dec. 29, 2017

There’s always hope, right?


That’s what gets us through tough moments, or days, or weeks or months. We cling to the prospect that something better is waiting for us if we can just hang on through the difficult times, or if we can come up with a plan of action to fix or improve whatever situation or reality we might be facing.

Of course, hoping for change without doing anything to effect said change is an exercise into futility. It’s one thing to sit around in the dark at night and hope for more money, or less weight or better health. It’s a totally different animal altogether to actually formulate a path to get where it is we wish to get, and yet another level to actually follow the plan and reach our desired destination.

And this is where the New Year’s resolution plays a role. Sure, it doesn’t make complete sense to set out on a life-changing path on Jan. 1, when you could have done it at any time if it was that important to you, but, hey, starting on an arbritrary date is better than not starting at all, right? Besides, if you’re griping about people trying to better their lives on Jan. 1 instead of, say, May 19, you might need to get a life, and stop worrying about other people so much.

Just saying.

I’m personally jumping head-first into the resolution pool this year, feeling emboldened after finally walking away from a 33-year marriage with tobacco. It’s not that I feel like I have uncovered some secret stash of will-power hidden deep below an ancient pyramid in Bayard as much as... well, I have a little more confidence now that I can make real changes if I dedicate myself to the goal. Confidence goes a long way in life, right?

So, without further adieu, I offer my resolutions for 2018:

• I resolve to stay away from tobacco. She still calls to me at all hours, and it will take continued effort to keep her at bay through 2018. I’m under no illusions that this monster is dead yet, so I have to keep it at the top of the priority list.

• I resolve to no longer get emotionally-invested in the wins and losses stacked up by the Baltimore Orioles this year. Major League Baseball features a 162-game season for its franchises, and my blood pressure simply can’t take the highs and lows of “living and dying” with every pitch. This year I’m going to watch the O’s as a casual fan, simply enjoying the beauty of the sport and appreciating solid efforts from the chaps on both sides of the diamond. But if Chris Davis strikes out one more time with a runner on second and nobody out, I swear I’m going to...

But I digress.

• I resolve to be a better role model for my daughter. Part of this involves me not screaming at the television 162 times a year, and part of it involves me keeping in mind that she seems to absorb everything that is said and done around her, even if she acts like she’s not paying a single bit of attention. She’ll behave as she’s taught to behave, and that means I have to improve my own behavior (and language) at times.

• I resolve to be 25 pounds lighter on Dec. 31, 2018, than I am on Jan. 1, 2018. This isn’t about dropping weight in January and February before running face-first into an avalanche of cheesesteaks and Doritos like most years. No, I’m looking to make a real change, and have it stand the test of time. I’ve won two weight-loss contests over the last five years, and ended up weighing more at the end of the year than I did at the start. No contests this year — just changing the way I do things.

• I resolve to spend less time staring at my iPhone when I don’t need to be staring at my iPhone. Checking in on emails every once in a while is not a problem as much as picking it up every 19 seconds just to... I don’t even know what. It’s a habit, and one I have to break. Well, except to play Sudoku. That, obviously, is not negotiable.

• I resolve to play less Sudoku on my phone this year.

• I resolve to get out to the beach more once the nice weather comes back. We actually got out quite a bit in 2017, but there’s always time for more beach in our lives, right?

• I resolve to stop picking on Susan Lyons in my column in 2018. Wait, let me re-word that a little: I resolve to not pick on Susan Lyons as much in my column in 2018. I mean, come on. I’m only human. And I’m a childish human who likes picking on people who are close to me.

• I resolve to be a little more patient this year with those around me, from the Pointies I work with every day to my family when I come home to my “happy place.” I’m a lunatic, and I expect everybody else to be a lunatic right besides me, even if I get on my own nerves with my lunacy.

• In a somewhat-related topic, I resolve to be a little more care-free this year. I am a chronic planner and list-maker, and there is no wiggle room in my life for surprises or procrastinating. I have to learn how to “go with the flow” a little bit this year and pick my battles. The first step in this initiative will be to make a list. I’ll have to determine the proper way to go about doing this and settle on supplies or training that...

This might take a while.

• I resolve to chase down a little more sleep this year. It feels like I’m always one long blink away from falling asleep, and I have to take advantage of opportunities presented to me to fall asleep. For instance, maybe I can just roll over at night and sleep instead of watching a “Forensic Files” rerun I’ve already seen 27 times (the ex-boyfriend did it).

• I resolve to embrace 2018, and make it one to look back on fondly in 2030. We only get one 2018, so let’s make it count.